i need to be healed of this.
God, i don't want to but i know it's needed.
anger is just so much more filling.

and i need to stop being sorry.
my anger towards certain people may in part be my fault for expecting them to come to me, but it's mostly because those expectations were based on lies they had told me like that they care or that they want to see me.
and i am trusting so i get hurt.
and then i get angry because every time i try to reconcile with those people i just end up apologizing for nothing because i know they do so much good and i don't want to bring them down because then they'll hate me or see me as the negative person in their life and love everyone else more.
but now that i don't have any relationships with them anymore anyway i need to tell them and not care about what they think of me. but i need to forgive them first oh God how do i do that!